Letting Go

I've been coming on here now and again to say "I'll post more!" and not done it. To be honest with you bloggy blog that aside from my life being unthinkabley busy right now between work, spending time with my hubby and extending our family (with a dog that is), I have also come to a point that I've let go.

I've let go of the hurt and the embaressment of what I went through with my cervical screening. I've come to a place inside where I feel that to hold on to it is just re-opening the wound - opening up all the anger, the sorrow and all that I feel for how I was (mis)treated, misinformed and the way numerous others are.

Still going about life the organic way and exercising daily to keep healthier and I do want to feel as though  my blog's helped some people out there. Even in the smallest of ways. But for me it's time to stop my fingers dancing across the keys with this tune. It's like an ex boyfriend almost all of this - I look at it now and think "Ha! Soooo glad that's over!" and I don't miss anything about it - it's part of my past.

So all I have to say to anyone that comes across this blog is live, enjoy life and always know you're not alone. After all, what brought you here in the first place is what got me writting this to begin with. Look after yourself and those you love. Life is beautiful and so are you!

x x

Busy...busy...ARRGH!

Hello Blogging World!

It's me, remember me? Well I hope you do cause I've missed you. I have such little time for blogging and feel as though it's become some what of a fourth thought. So what's been up?

Let's see - did all our DIY and that's done and now just waiting to sell, move and get resettled. Work's been a nightmare, been rushed and hectic like you would not believe!

My cat's on heat and attacking my feet.

Just been getting into a real routine of 'good behaviour' and I've been doing good! Started exercising again and I feel fab! Not exercising to loose weight. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never have a professional trainer and graphic designer to airbrush me so I'm working out to simply be healthy and it's really good, I definietly suggest it to anyone! Lol!

Cat's about to rip my toes off. Damn weird animal! She seems to develop a shoe and foot fetish when she's heaty. It's very odd!

Been sampling loads and I mean loads of organic food and natural beauty products that I am going to start blogging about. And when I say natural beauty products I don't mean the ones that say "Oh there's a fruit in it so that's natural!" No, no, I mean actualt natural - nill to minimal chemicals. Bet you're looking forward to that now! Well, bedtime now so catch up soon!

The Vitamin Masquerade Part III

To get back on track with the entries that I was posting, this is the next part I wanted to go into about vitamins. So what I have been reading is that essentially the sort of vitamins that you should be looking out to buy are ones that are taken from “whole foods” rather than made synthetically. But how do you know the difference? Not like they will say on the label “Hey, I’m a clone and technically a fake!” will they? Here is how…

DIY Quit

Yeah...I think that I am so never doing DIY around the house again! This is just...gruelling! Lol! But I've learnt a few good tricks and maybe I will add some tips on that sometime! ;-P

My lovely readers I am still at it though. Very little time to myself. I mean, every day off I am doing about a dozen things but I do think about my bloggyblog and I will, I will definitely be updating big time when I got some free time.

Stay happy! Happy mind = Happy body and cevix! x x

It's Coming Along

Still so busy! Oh my lordy! Painting, decorating, packing - it just doesn't feel like it's stopping! I miss having time to myself, time to my blog too. There's so much that I want to update and start of March I am going to. I need a day off so I'm giving myself one! A day off to blog! Huzzah!

Be Right Back

There has been a lot going on for me and the hubby recently. Everything is all over the place as we're decorating and getting ready to move home. Now now, I am not neglecting you - I will be back! We just have some house viewings to get out the way, some packing to do then I can follow more stuff up with a clear head rather than being rushed.

So I will update soon with The Vitamin Masquerade Part III and get all that info in about how to spot your real vitamins from your synthetic, do some organic food reviews and lots more!

Love your cervix! Love your body and be kind to your mind! xx

My Plea

I beg you ladies if you feel that something is not right for you DO NOT let ANYONE bully you to do what they want! Sure you may think your doctor knows it all but if something is not sitting right and you don’t feel confidence in what you are being told it is your right to question, your right to decide what advice you do and don’t use, it’s yours to get information and your right over your body!

It is your body, mind and cervix and if you feel someone is going to use it, manipulate it in anyway then I implore you, stand your ground for what you feel is the correct choices for yourself! That doctor won’t be there if they mess things up, that nurse won’t be there when you need a shoulder to cry on.

I am not saying don’t get checks, I think you should as it is good to know what’s going on with yourself but please make informative choices for yourself, for your life!

Love to you all, peace to your mind and wellness to your body, mind and cervix.

Clover xx

Cancelling An Appointment - How Hard Can It Be?

Got a reminder letter from the hospital today about the booking they auto booked me for to have my cervix sliced at. Not a nice way to put it but it’s not a nice thing! I have to be honest that I have been putting off calling. From that initial colposcopy appointment and knowing their view and attitude on things I was not looking forward to talking to anyone in that department. I knew they would try pressure play to get me to keep the appointment and try effectively bullying me into going.

Thankfully when I rang I got the answer phone so I left a message and that was that! So I thought! Till I got a call back and very fast I must add from The Secretary of The Specialist I’d seen. By fast I mean literally within 6 minutes of me cancelling the appointment as well as saying in the message I have no intention of rescheduling one. How did the call go? As I thought! All pressure and full on! The amount of cutting me off and talking over me that this lady did was all a bid to spam me with “fearfearfearfearfear don’t think just be scared come do what we say”. I think it’s disgusting! Again, this is another thing I worry about is how many women that this has worked on!  Here it is how the call went:-

The Vitamin Masquerade Part II

To understand what’s in the bottle you need to know how it’s made. If you don’t want to be bored with the technicalities of why your vitamins are not ‘real’ (for want of a better word) and you want to know how to spot the posers from the natural beauties then you can skip past this post and just go have a look at the next blog entry. For those more curious sorts you best make a cuppa and click read more for the what's-what-where.

The Vitamin Masquerade

All right, to be honest with you I had a feeling that I would find this out. Just about everything we know is not a ‘true form’ or from a ‘true source’ and synthetics are all around us. So why not synthesise vitamins and minerals right? What makes me ponder is the fact that we can do that – mimic and structure something how we want it, engineer it – but how have we not come up with replicators like they have in Startrek? Now that would be handy! Anyway, sorry, off on a tangent there…

The point being that all the Holland and Barrett vitamins I bought (around £80 worth) are binned. In my bid to keep away from unnatural ingredients it’s something I had to do. I cringed as the tablets fell into the bin but I am ‘organified’ (my own term here) remember. What to do now? I need supplements and sure, I do eat very well, I love fruit and veg but just need that top up. Back to researching for me and I found out a lot of stuff about what goes in to what we think are vitamins that’ll keep us happy and healthy yet, quite possibly, don’t and if anything make us less healthy (though a less happy factors not been measured).

I’m looking into a company right now that makes vitamins from whole foods. Rather than ‘isolating’ the vitamin or creating it in a lab or a petri dish (the two ways that many are made) this company essentially extracts the vitamins from the whole food and doesn’t alter it chemically or biologically. So loads of researching to do – updates when I have them bloggyblog!

No Pill So What Now?

When deciding to come off of the contraceptive pill I my hubby and I had to think about what we were going to do.* *I include my hubby in this decision after all when you are married everything either one of you does, affects the other. We believe we’re a unit though two separate bodies. Sure it’s my body having these changes but to pull through then I need not only my efforts but his too.

Condoms are the conclusion that we came to. I know, I know, very ‘old skool’ but we looked into methods of contraception and we’re gone for the choice of non-spermicide (so no chemicals) and latex-free condoms (I'm allergic to latex). Review about those later! But for anyone that wants to read about the other options to the pill (after all, the choice is yours) then you can from here on Netdoctor My thoughts on what's available out there? You know the drill - click read more for more...

Happy New Year

Any resolutions? None! I made a resolution many moons ago to never make any and that’s the one I’ve successfully stuck to. See, the way I see it is life changes day by day, week by week, etc. So it’s all well and good to make yourself a neat little list but when you can’t fulfil what’s on it for whatever reason then all you get is stress. Stress is bad mmm-kay!

Live life with an outcome in mind is what I say! And that's happiness and good health!

Blessings to you for the year ahead! =)

Biopsy Results - Early Xmas

I don't think think I can express how happy I am right now. I actually got my biopsy results today (total shock they were only a day late) and I do NOT have cancer! A very Merry Christmas to me!

The results are CIN 2 (moderate abnormal cell changes) and I've been automatically appointed for treatment on Jan 30th. Which let me stress right now - I am not going for! Why? Because this is confirmation that my CIN 3 dyskaryosis (dysplasia) is reversing!

My initial result was CIN 3 and the biopsy says CIN 2. This is amazing! And totally contradicts the specialist I saw during my colposcopy who told me that "there was no way CIN 3 can change" - here we have it. CIN 3 that apparently doesn't revert, has!

*happy dance*

HAPPY DEC 25TH!

I just want to say a very happy season to all that read this blog. I'm not going to say "happy Christmas" not because of political correctness or I worry I may offend anyone but because I know that this is a SEASON that means different things to different people (though similarities and agreeable points to occur often, lol).

So HAPPY SEASON TO YOU AND YOUR KIN! Whatever this time of year means to you I wish you a very happy holiday and I shall raise a glass to you all! And eat lots of cheeses too-preferably the very stinky ones. All organic wine and cheese at that of course!

Next rambling in the new year so take care, be well and love-love-love-love-LOVE your bodies, mind and cervix!

Colposcopy/ Biopsy Advice

This is just a little info about what I did before and after my colposcopy and biopsy. There is a lot of information out there on various websites and in leaflets but what I decided to do was as follows:-

Before the Colposcopy/ Biopsy

- No sex for 3 days before. The leaflets that the NHS will give you will say you’re fine to have sex even 24 hours before provided you use a condom. I don’t believe this. I think this would affect a colposcopy and even a smear test result. With condoms there is lubricant on them and thus, foreign bodies will be present on results. Without one, same goes for sperm. But never mind that – when you have sex your cervix will to some degree receive some amount (even the smallest amount) of bruising. I believe that this would show ‘abnormal cells’.

- No baths for 2 days before. Submerging yourself in bath water will allow water to travel to all your areas. That will include your soap/ bubble bath/ shower gel. I strongly advise too that if you need to shave then best to do that a week before hand as to avoid shaving cream/gel/soap from being present. Showering is better and best to let the water run over you. Don’t direct the shower to that area, just wash the outer lips. I know some women like to douche or use a finger to wash up inside – don’t do that!

- No tampons. Use only towels if you are due your period before the exam. Tampons can affect how your vagina walls and how your cervix looks as they do touch these areas.

After the Biopsy is Taken

- No sex for 4 weeks. A long time to wait I know! Some doctors and leaflets will say you can have sex one week later. I honestly don’t think that’s enough time to fully heal. A scab doesn’t heal in one week so why risk agitating an internal wound such as that? Smokers take longer to heal. I’m a smoker and I waited 4 weeks till I had sex again with my husband.

- No tampons. I think this is pretty self-explanatory as to why you should not use tampons after a biopsy (especially given the above note).

 - No baths or douching for 2 weeks. Again, water and soaps can get in there and you really don’t want anything infecting that sort of wound. You cannot even see that wound so I would say please, be very careful during this sensitive time.

 - No rough intercourse. Slow and gentle for the first time you do it again after the biopsy and try not to have your partner go too deep. I feel that the body needs to re-adjust after the trauma of a biopsy so it’s a good idea to try treat it like a delicate butterfly.

Obviously your doctor/ nurse/ specialist will give you advice on what to do but personally, I altered that advice I was given as to reduce the risk of any complications before and after. Remember – you will need a sanitary towel for your appointment but if you forget one then they do provide you with one.

Once the biopsy is done you should not have bleeding heavier than a period. For me I only ever got a bit of spotting that was brown and silver in colour (blood and the silver nitrate they used to seal things) and I used only panty liners. Everyone is different though and some people are ‘bleeders’. But keep in mind that if any heavy, overly painful and smelly bleeding and/or discharge occur then you need to go to your doctor ASAP! Do not think if you ignore it then it will go away. And definitely don’t think to yourself that you’re over worrying/ being an annoyance in going to see your GP or your Nurse Practioner - it’s a medical professional’s job to look after you and your health. (Plus you really don’t want an infection up there!).

That's my two-sense about it all bloggy-blog! And let me just add that I'm totally fine now *touches wood* and have started having sex with the hubby again, have had a normal period and I feel myself. Still waiting on my biopsy results (as I did mention in an earlier post I did today) so fingers and toes crossed hard it's not coming back as cancer.

Colposcopy After Thoughts

Once the appointment was all done I felt a number of things. Relief for a start that I’d gone and done it. Anger at how “quick to treat” The Specialist’s attitude was and sorrow. Sorrow because I feel for the numbers of women that go for that appointment like me feeling worried, anxious, unsupported and effectively are bullied into treatment that they are told little about it and for others, don’t need.

My advice to anyone is go to the Colposcopy and see for yourself and hear what they have got to say. I would never tell anyone to not get checks as I think we should. We definitely need to keep up-tabbed with our bodies but all I say is make an informed decision for you, about you.

Cancer is scary. Doesn’t matter if you are like me, young, aged 25 or mature and in your 50’s (and plus). It will quite frankly frighten the shit out of you if you have that word dangled over your head.

It’s very easy for some to tell you not to worry. It’s hard for me though to tell you not to worry because I have been there! It’s not a switch that you can flip and turn off. No amount of throwing yourself into work will quieten your screaming mind. All I can say is try. Try and not worry, try and not push those close to you during this time away from you. I didn’t realise I was doing it but in spending hours upon hours online and researching information I was alienating my husband. He didn’t say anything as he felt it was something I needed to do. But the day I realised how much I’d been pushing him aside I felt so bad. It’s not just me going through this. This affects him too. He’s scared of so much about it as I am. I woke up to how I was mistreating him and I was (and am) so sorry about it.

You are helpless as there is nothing you can do right now. You are frightened by it all. Some are angry (as I have been and am). Others regretful that they didn’t ‘live better’ or make ‘better choices’. I know. I have been there. The Seven Stages of Grief is the best way I can ever tell you that I’ve felt about it. But just know that you’re normal for feeling all this. You are human! Though you feel alone you’re not. There are voices that want to speak up, that want to yell too about what they have experienced but can’t and I know you can’t. I’ve been there. (It took a right kick up the bum for me to decide to share my finding, thoughts and experiences with the world!)

No matter who you are, how your smear/ colposcopy/ biopsy/ treatment/ after will go/ did go just remember to love cervix! Love yourself! Never hate yourself or your body for any of this.

My Colposcopy Experience

I have been meaning to do an entry detailing how my Colposcopy appointment went but I’m scatter brained and chaos is my order. Getting round to it now and the long and short is that it was terribly stressful and over loaded with pressure. My biopsy results are still not in. This is the week I am meant to get them but I’m not seeing piggies fly out there just yet. I don't want to scare anyone but I rather be totally honest so here it is…

Where to Buy Organic Food-Part Two

Along with shopping around usual grocery supermarkets I also found a few places online that sell organic food, products and free-from foods. I lik the way there is much more selection, different brands and you’re not limited to having to settle for a store brand organic.
 

So where else do you buy organic food? Here is a list of places I found, what they sell along with who I’ve tried. Links to their sites on their name so click the name to view the site:-

Where To Buy Organic Food-Part One

Where do I buy organic food? This was something I asked myself over and over and it’s not as easy as you would like to think! Sure most, if not all, supermarkets do their range of organic food but I had to ask myself “is it really organic?”

The answer that I came upon was yes and no. Supermarket brand organic food is organic insofar as they have gone to every length that they can to assure the product lives up to the title and meets certifiers strict rules and regulations however, side line factors are out of their control. To break it down is like this (let’s use a cow as an example):- cow is reared in an organic and free range environment, eats organic grass every day and is happy. But then winter comes. Uh-oh! How do they feed Ms Cow in very bad weather conditions? Well, it gets given feed as a supplement. Here kicks the ‘side line factor’. Is that feed/ meal organic? It isn’t always. And so Supermarkets say for the most part their organic label is what it says it is but now and again it might be a little less so as they cannot guarantee the contents of the feed/ meal.

So where do you buy organic food? Here is a list of places I found, what they sell along with who I’ve tried:-

How To Know Organic Products

How do you know something is Organic? This is something that I asked myself in making the change to Organic food. I looked around so much, got a headache and finally found what I was looking for! What I was looking for are these two markers:-

These two labels are what you should look for if you live in the UK. BEWARE that your organic product is not just “containing organic ingredients”. I saw that a lot while looking for food and I see it a lot still. Also, keep in mind that "free range" does not necessarily mean organic! If it doesn't say organic on the package and it is not certified then its NOT organic! But what are those labels? What do they mean?

When you see them, what it means is the way that food or ingredients in that product were grown is totally organic. The first one is Soil Association and they are one of the biggest organic certifiers. The second is the EU Organic logo for Europa. There are a number of other organic certifying bodies in the UK so what you also want to look for is their serial number, for example, it will say “UK2” or “UK3” etc. A helpful page to visit is the DEFRA site (Department for Environmental Food and RuralAffairs). You can see a whole list on this page of the certifying bodies and their certified numbers (link in the DEFRA name).